I recently received a call from a prospective client — a really nice person, as it turns out — who conducted the entire call on speakerphone. It was a brief call and its main purpose was simply to set up a meeting, but when it was over I found that I had a slight negative impression of the guy. This impression lingered until the following day when we met in person and my initial reaction was replaced with something more positive (and more accurate, it seems). The source of my initial feeling was easy to identify: the speakerphone. His speakerphone use conveyed something about his personality and intent that made me dislike him instantly. This was obviously unintentional and I’d bet that he’d be upset to know that I (or anyone) would feel this way. So, as a public service for anyone out there who might be tempted to hit that speaker button, I would like to propose the following guidelines for appropriate speakerphone use:

There are four scenarios in which it is acceptable to use a speakerphone. They are:

1) Multiple Parties. With more than one person in the room (that needs to be part of the conversation, of course) the speakerphone is not only appropriate, it’s essential. However, groups of people shrieking into a phone halfway across the room is not exactly a positive user experience. So I also suggest that you consider whether a group conference call (yes, even among people in the same office) is a viable option.

2) Multitasking. If you need to be doing something important with your hands while simultaneously on the phone, it may make sense to use the speakerphone. I’m talking about something actually important like transcription, or cutting diamonds, or eating lunch. Just don’t forget to mute your phone when you aren’t talking. We hate it when your keyboard typing hijacks the conversation. By the way, a headset is a pretty good substitute in this case. Just saying.

3) Handicap. If you have a real handicap, or a temporary ear or hand injury that prevents you from using a phone like a normal person, you, of course, get a pass.

4) Jerkosity. If you actually want to create the impression that you have a very high opinion of yourself and your superiority to others on the call, then by all means lean back in your chair with your feet on the desk and go for it. But, just so you know, we’re making fun of you over here.

Thanks for listening. I hope my attempt to curtail speakerphone abuse makes a positive impact on your telephone life.

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